Sandy, I'll Miss You!

I want you to meet my friend, Sandy....she's the one on the left.  I miss her. I'm sad that the whole world didn't get to know the amazing woman I came to know and love.  I don't use the word "friend" lightly, for she was the truest of blue.  I knew without a doubt that she loved me. She was the friend that showed me what true strength in the face of adversity really is.  She shaped the last ten years of my life into something more special than it would otherwise have been. I am a different person because of her influence in my life.



For the past 10 years my feet wore a path to first her house across the street, and then for the past 9, my car knew it's way to a little old nursing home called Mountain Manor in Carmichael...."A place of love".  See the lady in the background, just to the left of Sandy's head?  That is Tina....and I love her, too.  Tina is the activities director there, and I never left Mountain Manor without Tina hugging me tightly and telling me she loved me and thanking me so much for coming.  Another amazing woman.  I wish you could meet her, too.  This is a lonnnnnng story....I could write a book.  So much to tell.....so many amazing characters in the story....I have truly been blessed. From what I write, I'm sorry that you will only get a glimpse.



Sandy and I had a connection from the start....back in May of 2000 when she and her mom and dad (Maxine and Bob) moved in across the street.  She was recovering from a major stroke, as was her dad.  They had no car and I noticed that they were hiring a taxi to take them to the grocery store and doctor appointments.  I went to the door to meet them.....Bob knelt down to tie my then 8-year-old Emily's shoe, and said, "If you ever need your shoe tied, you just come over and I'll tie it for you."  With their midwest hospitality (they were from Iowa), they invited me right in, and thus began our journey together. 


Maxine and Bob passed away in 2000 and 2001.....but I haven't forgotten them.  I refer to the corner by Sutter Hospital as "Maxine Corner" because so many times we sat at that light on the way to or from the emergency room. Bob had dementia, and "vacuumed up the dandelions" which he thought were growing in his livingroom, but was a prince of a guy. We went through so much together.....I wish I could tell you it all. They became family to us.  Through the years, so many thought that I was Sandy's daughter, and sometimes I'd let them believe it because her own two children had abandoned her.


I got the call from Mountain Manor on Saturday May 22nd that Sandy had taken a turn, and that I needed to come right away. I had just been there 3 days earlier, the first time ever that Sandy very kindly asked me to leave, because she wasn't feeling well. She was scared.....her doctor had told us recently that her prognosis wasn't good...her lungs were shutting down.


For the past 10 years it had become a ritual of mine as I walked down the hall to her room to glance sideways at the two nameplates outside the door before entering. I had to make sure "Sandy Clark" was still there. To me, her life was always hanging in the balance....every breath was hard work for her, and every step an effort. In the end, I noticed that her upper chest was very muscular from the effort.  Most people would have given up, but she fought for her life every day.  I never knew the healthy Sandy, but I am sure that she was a spitfire....she had the best sense of humor ever, and we had so many great laughs together.  A week before she passed away, Emily and I and Betty Ann (another resident) and Sandy were dying laughing about the time Eric (an aide) had to rescue Pam (an very large old roommate of Sandy's), from the bathtub, and her "girls" were practically smothering him as he tried to lift her out. Good old Eric.....love him, too!



When I got the call, it was surreal. I rushed over, taking the time on the 30 minute drive to remember all of our time together. The tears kept coming.  I was able to reach Frank ...."Hurry, she's dying." When Frank came into the room, she said, barely audibly, "I really like your tie."  After awhile, Frank left to go home. Sandy at this point could barely communicate, but she reached her hand up behind my neck and pulled my ear right down where she could whisper in it....I thought, "She's going to tell me something really important....her last words, maybe". She said, "Tell Frank I really liked his tie." That's Sandy....she is dying, and with her last words, she's paying someone a compliment. I love that about her. I always will.

My oldest 3 girls were in Mesquite, Nevada that night, spending a weekend together in a hotel.  I called to tell them that Sandy was dying.....and relayed to Sandy a message from each of them.  They sent a picture of themselves via the phone of them giving her the "I LOVE YOU" sign in sign language.  It broke my heart to see the tears in their eyes.  They loved her, too.

That night, our friend Jose came shuffling slowly into the room. He placed his hand on her and said, "God Bless You"...tears streaming down his cheeks, shook his head, and shuffled out of the room. He and Sandy came to Mountain Manor about the same time, have always sat at the same table in the dining room. Jose is special to me, too. He was hit by a train when he was four years old, and has spent his life in "facilities"....he is basically blind, and speaks a mixture of Spanish and English that you learn to translate. He also has no family that comes to visit.  He loves Chile Rellenos. That is another story that I hope to write.



I always thought I was all Sandy had....I knew she loved the staff, and that they really liked her, too, but in those final hours I witnessed the great love and affection that the nursing staff and her friends there had for her. There were many I love you's, kisses on the forehead and cheek, squeezing her hand, thanking her for the impact she had on their lives. I could never leave Sandy alone these past ten years, and I would not leave her side while she was dying. I spent the night there at the manor, and Sunday morning when I was alone with her, I told her I loved her one last time, that I would miss her, but it was really OK to let go. And she did. 



Rhoda and Anau were the nurses on duty......both in their late 20's.  They told me that every time they came into the room together, Sandy would make a comment about what they were wearing, like, "You girls are looking sassy today!"  As Sandy's good friend Elaine and I watched, Anua very gently arranged Sandy's body.....straightened her legs, folded her hands, closed her eyes, brushed her hair.....and had to continually wipe her own tears that kept falling on Sandy's face.  She finally put her cheek next to Sandy's and just wept. 



Now don't you wish you had known Sandy, and all of these other people, too?  I do.

When I returned ten days later, I brought a big bouquet of flowers with a letter to the staff.....telling them that the work they do is what the Savior would do if he were here.  We all laughed and cried as we talked about our friend Sandra Jean Clark. 

Her best friend at Mountain Manor was named Elaine.  Elaine and I kept vigil together at Sandy's bedside that night, and became very close.  Sandy kept jokingly telling Elaine that she wanted her to go with her. When I left that day, I promised her my days of visiting Mountain Manor were not over just because Sandy was gone.  This is Elaine, on the right.....


A couple of days ago, I returned, with the express purpose of visiting Elaine and Jose.  I walked in, and saw Tina at the very end of the hall....when she saw me, she stopped short and said, "Jo?"  I walked the length of the hall to her as she just stood there, not moving.  She was crying....and told me that Elaine died unexpectedly.  That when she had heard the news, she literally layed down on the floor in Elaine's room and cried and cried. Elaine is the one that referred to Mountain Manor as "A Place of Love."  I'm so sad that Elaine is gone, but it makes me smile to know that those two are together, probably doing cartwheels or something.

I went down the hall to visit Jose, who is now missing his two best friends.  We had a good talk and I told him I'd bring him some chile rellenos next time, which got me a big smile.


Finally, I stopped by the office to see if I could get copies of some pictures of Sandy.  When I walked in, Carol at the desk said, "Marjorie.....we'd like you to start visiting Marjorie.  She doesn't get any visitors." So Marjorie and I met for the first time, the beginning of what I hope will be a great friendship.


Well......like I said, it's a long story.  I just know one thing.  For the rest of my life, I will be visiting my friends at Mountain Manor.  All because I met Sandy.